Weekend in Bogota

12.1.19

                   

famous columbian artist Fernando Botero

Bogota 

headaches, heaviness, and heartache 

of course i knew it wouldn't be all roses , and with every expansion comes a compression

universal laws

but progress and growth take place with each set of both ! 

woke up in tears - this happened in mexico city as well.  High altitude, a difficult day of travel, the congestion and confusing frequencies of a mass metropolis in both cases 

Here doubt set in, as Joshua fighting strep throat and fever (he is great today, recovered in 2 days with lots of natural 'potions' and tlc) , me feeling dizzy and allowing the old patterns of doubt (what am i doing here? is it too much to put him through? etc etc)  and confusion (whats the point of all this) to take hold

I set up my altar and took the tears into a meditation of lamenting and after some minutes it transmuted into calm and gratitude 

i disassociated from the dark feelings and just let them flow through me , sang and cried, - and in this way i was releasing for all three of us 

Travel is hard on the body and mind.    building a daily practice (after only just beginning one at home and never being all that disciplined)  in the midst of it is hard but its becoming imperative !

There are so many precedents for my little family here - especially trusting in the heart rather than the head 

I know its the heart brought us to Colombia in a full circle back to our original intuition after weeks of indecision ,  despite the blues today, it FEELS RIGHT

The doubt didn't last long, and compared to how anxiety used to dominate my life, it now just comes and goes like a heat flash and i'm soon cooled down by Spirit reminding me to trust and surrender to the process 

Im noticing now as i've started writing, there is also old paradigm fear that creeps in around sharing publically my vulnerability.   I know i am meant to write and make art and use my creativity and my truthful voice to fuel the unity consicousness that was prophecied for these times 

its what i've been preparing for my whole life 

and yet the fear is real 

illness feels real too ... yet i know its all manifestations of an inbalance - this is the human condition our souls signed up for 

Gratefully we are in a posh hotel in a nice neighbourhood where Joshua convalesced,  and we had the outbursts that were needed -  I got cabin fever and found myself walking the streets , then ducking out of the rain into a shopping mall , where nothing fit and i just got agitated in a dense low frequency environment that could really have been any big city in the world with its ubiquitous brands. 

I walked further in the rain, bought a couple things i hope come in useful for the next phase (may include jungle/sea combo) , and then frustration gave way to compassion and i booked myself a relaxing massage where i could just melt the prickles away and fall into a dream state....

but then returned to David who had cabin fever by this point so took another walk out with him , and found ourselves eating artichoke and drinking Moscow Mules at a local restaurant with a live band doing covers of American 70s rock bands ! 

Saturday low frequency tourist trap day over and out.