Panama and Decisions

Historic Center, Panama City 

2-3 February 2019

The biggest learning curve has been in the heart and intuition centres of my being ... especially when it comes to making decisions on the fly.

I thought it would come easily, knowing where to go and what to do, but it hasn't ... there is so much choice, advice online, advice in person , considerations around cost , comfort and safety...

 Old patterns keep creeping in - is this the best use of precious time, are we seeing and doing enough, is this off the beaten track, what the hell is up with the whole backpacker vs the beatean track game anyway , and on an on it goes

And even as Im trying to write this, i dont have the energy for reportage, for me its been a mega balancing act and these last 2 weeks really having nowhere to hide my frustrations and body aches, and homesickness , having to allow it to release and be open and honest with Joshua and myself

to see my limitiations and then little by little overcome then

Its that process that interests me as a seeker and a writer , rather than the time and place we slept in a cool bamboo cabana and examined some old ruins.

I barely have the attention for stories at all, including my own !  The process of finding my soul center every day and simply being present in unfamiliar surroundings, doesn't leave room for much else.  I look at the mountain of schoolwork Joshua has with disdain.  There seems so much to accomplish and i know i have to help him properly at some point especially with history of the last century, like WWII , and I wonder if I'm putting off going over the material that its taken me so many years to shed the burden of in my own life - all those black holes of 20th century ISMS that left our generation reeling and running up corporate ladders.

I guess the object of History is to learn how we got ourselves in this mess, to try not to repeat mistakes , looking at it as a whole is reminding me why i got so depressed as a teenager in highschool , feeling small against the tide of history, the economy, sour statistics and gross expectations 

Humanity created this reality collectively and to evolve into a healthier balanced unified reality, we have to stop giving these old stories too much of our energy.  Of course students should learn and understand the general trajectory of ego vs spirit that led to us being so out of balance with nature 

And fix it first in ourselves and then let that attract the same around us, but I digress 

and of course thats not what he is being tested on at school - he is just being asked to learn the facts

This isn't an anti school trip -  we love his school ! He wants to do well there , its just confusing sometimes to know where to concentrate his efforts!

Information is cheap, its self knowledge and inner strength that are hard to come by and lacking in outdated curriculums in most schools... Change in the education system is coming very slowly and the time is NOW for a real shift in the consiousness of humanity

So working thru this dichotomy in me and observing him grapple with these big questions...

Thats our real 'travel'

And where we find ourselves

how we make these decisions

speak to our frame of mind and heart each day

The best feeling in Colombia for us was in the mountains in the north and although we loved our travels further we never connected again fully like we did there and at the time were too fresh in our backpacking experience to jump into a full on Kogi tribe experience

Perhaps if it was on offer now, weeks later, we would consider it and be more prepared...

So it was that after Medellin and Jerico , we felt we had to move on to another country and energy.  Smaller and less hectic , simpler, would be good.

So we landed in Panama in a state of desperation,as it was easy to get to, we had to be there in mid feb anyway for Tribal Gathering, and we figured we could plan our next trip easily from there 

We chose to stay for 2 nights in a little apt/hotel in the Historic Center, CasaMarAlta, as its the only area it seems you can walk around freely - a recent development as just 2 years ago this area was run by mafia and you couldn't step foot here 

It took us the entire next day of research with slow wifi , going round in circles looking at Bocas del tores,  so we wouldn't have to fly , Costa Rica and Guatamela, but Joshua seemed to gravitate to Belize and even though it was a 2.5 hr flight back north, there was alot in its favour in terms of the laid back vibe we were after

We booked a place in Toledo , not realising at the time it would take another internal flight to get there

and felt free to explore the historic centre until it was time to check into our aiprot hotel - corporate and horrid but so needed for an evening of admin, printing and downloading - the mundane digital chores of modern life (I actual miss landlines and travel agents at the moment) !!

Skipping all the travel bad food boredom and nonsense (fyi need a permission letter from david to travel in Belize and elsewhere apparently with Joshua alone !) and reminding ourselves to be grateful that its ever only a day of our lives to re-settle somewhere ... we end up on this propeller jet to get to Punta Gorda in the southernmost part of Belize 

That internal flight was a big highlight of our trip so far :) 

An amazing low altitude glide across the most picturesque scenery, with 12 seats so smooth  - running as a commercial airline but felt like one of those tourist excursions you take just to see a country from the air

Joshua got to sit up front with the pilot and we quickly noticed large swathes of uninhabited rainforest and wetlands hugging a turquoise Caribbean sea 

An answer to our prayer for a serene tropical slow down looked to be unfolding ...